Numbing The Pain (More Pain, Less Hope)

The following post is directed towards parents, however the youth might also benefit from it. The following is an article writen by Joel Wurgler called "Teenagers Today - More Pain, Less Hope.

If it hurts, medicate it. That is the advice we get from the pharmaceutical companies every day in commercials. They assure us tat the drugs are legal, but the desired outcome is the same as many illegal drugs - "Avoid dealing with your pain by numbing it." Unfortunately, if we do not deal with the pain in our lives, it will eventually deal with us.

When we crowd unattended emotional pain into our lives, whether resulting from physical illness, poor choices or victimization, we can only store so much before it begins to tear at the walls of our heart. By then, our habitual hiding from really leaves us with little ability to cope with the unexpected resurrection of old wounds. We end up with more pain, less hope.

Teenagers, especially, are intimidated by painful emotions because they have had little help and supervised practice in dealing with them. They are less resilient and more brittle today than in the generations that preceded them. Our exploding urban culture and changing family systems have cheated them out of some important experiences and reference points for dealing with life and its realities.

For many teenagers, their only support group is made up of peers, who have equally limited abilities and skills for processing pain and interpreting events in their lives and the world. This only contributes to the intimidation. When you do not understand its role as a signal giver and cannot sort it out, pain is to be avoided at all costs.

The icons that light up on the dashboard of a car indicate when issues need to be addressed for the sake of the car. If they are ignored, no repairs can be made. Pain, whether physical or emotional, is our indicator light, warning us that attention must be given. If it is not, we eventually suffer the consequences.

Perhaps you have heard the saying, "where there's anger, look for pain." Anger is often on of the consequences of hidden pain, especially in teenagers. Sometimes their anger is designed to distract them from the pain; sometimes it is intended to give them thicker skin. But occasionally their wounds just bleed anger and other consequential behaviors such as depression, withdrawal, and self-harm.

Why spend so much time on the emotional stability of teenagers? Because I am convinced that the primary issue for us to address with students today is not sin; it is pain (sin's companion). It is the deeply rooted and hidden pain that is caused by unprocessed confusio, loneliness, victimization, shame and guilt, and the hopless residue that it leaves behind.

I am not suggesting that pain excuses wrong behavior. I do not see pain as an excuse; rather, I see it as a reality. And I believe it is our best starting place with many teenagers. But it means being slow to speak and quick to listen. It means less hot air and more light. It means fewer lectures and more field trips. It means fewer games and more meaningful experiences.

What does it mean for you? Is it worth considering? Are youth group meetings, campus clubs, family times, and outreach events designed to provide antiseptic treatment of surface issues when what is needed is deep attention to the soul? And if so, what should we do about it?